Tag Archives: David Cameron

Open Letter to David Cameron

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Dear Dave (I can call you Dave, right?)

I watched your exchange at PMQs with Jeremy  Corbyn, earlier today, and I must confess to ending up a bit confused. Of course, I’m not a sophisticated, Eton-educated politician, holding the reins of state power like your own fine self, so I thought you could help me out a wee bit.

Firstly, Corbyn and his “friends from Hamas”, who you described as a “terrorist group.” Well, I did a bit of research and was surprised to learn that Hamas were actually elected, with over 70% of the vote (over double the size of your own mandate, by the way, Dave, lol!), by the Palestinian people, in a free and fair election, overseen by neutral and impartial international observers. So doesn’t that make them, well, the government, Dave? Like your own, in fact, only with shit-loads more votes?

Secondly, I get that these are violent guys, what with all those rockets and whatnot fired into Israel, but I’m given to understand that the Geneva Convention, the International Criminal Court and the Treaty of Rome all permit armed resistance by an oppressed people whose land is illegally occupied by a foreign military power, no? If so, then Palestinian rockets are the legitimate resistance of an oppressed people, fighting a recognised and permitted national liberation struggle, no?

Also, even if you disregard international law (surely not, Dave?) and you class the few poxy home-made rockets desultorily fired into Israel as ‘terrorism’ then I assume, surely, that dropping white phosphorous onto kids, blowing up hospitals, bombing schools, shooting children playing football on beaches, evicting people from their homes so the illegal occupiers can move their folks in, surely, Dave, all that must count as ‘terrorism’?  Surely the Israeli state and the IDF are the terrorists? (also, what about Saudi Arabia? Some pretty dodgy links with Daesh, Dave. And they even – get this! – execute women who have been unfortunate enough to get themselves raped. Seems to me, Dave, you’d at least be critical of their dodgy approach to human rights, rather than selling them weapons of mass destruction).

I also think you need to be a tad cautious, mate, banging on all the time about Jezza saying “our friends from Hamas.” You know, what your Maggie being an actual personal pal of General Pinochet. You remember him, Dave? Mass-murdering fascist dictator? Didn’t even get as many votes as you, mate, never mind Hamas. Nope, he just toppled the democratically-elected government in a bloody coup, then unleashed his infamous ‘Caravan of Death’ to tour the country massacring civilians. “A true friend” was how your Maggie described him, as she went to bat to prevent his extradition to face justice for his reign of terror.

You see my point, Dave? Hamas: democratically-elected, fighting a legitimate war of national liberation = bad guys.
Pinochet: unelected dictator, topples democratically-elected government at gunpoint, murders his own people = “true friend.”

Maybe, it’s because he wasn’t a Muslim, Dave? Is that it? Aye, it’s all a bit confusing to a state-educated working class lad, I must admit.

Maybe it’s the anti-Semitic thing with Hamas, then, Dave? That’s shit’s not on at all. I’ve heard about the infamous Charter with all it’s truly vile anti-Semitic filth. I’ve even read it myself. Real horrowshow. Mind you, it turns out, I’m told, that it was written by one geezer and distributed by him without the knowledge or permission of the leadership and so doesn’t represent Hamas’s official position. Instead, I was directed to their official position on the question, which reads as follows:

What is Hamas’ position on Anti-Semitism?
Charges of Anti-Semitism is a most convenient and handy argument Israel’s apologists often throw out when they are basically run out of arguments. They use such an accusation in order to intimidate Israel’s critics or to sterilize discussion and divert attention from the real issues.

 The scourge of Anti-Semitism is an abhorrent form of racism that discriminates against all Jews for who they are, and therefore, much like all other forms of racism targeting other decent human beings, it must confronted and eliminated.

There is a clear distinction between Anti-Semitism on the one hand, and legitimate criticisms of Israel’s degrading and oppressive policies against the Palestinian people. We have nothing against Jews for who they are.  We are not against Jews as a religion or an ethnicity.

There are many conscientious Jews and Israelis who are ashamed and sickened by what Israel has been doing in their name. These principled Jews have consistently condemned Israel’s violations of Palestinian human rights and its settler colonialism

Hamas is against Israel as a settler colonial state that occupies Palestine and subjects the Palestinian people to war, colonization and displacement. The conflict with Israel is fundamentally political and the Palestinians are fighting for freedom and self-determination. Had Palestine been occupied by another people holding a similar or different religion, Hamas and the Palestinian people would have fought against it with all their force. (See Hamas’ Conceptualization of the Other: Its stance towards Judaism, Jews, Zionism, Zionists and Israel)”

Seems pretty clear, that, Dave, no? The sort of unequivocal rejection of anti-Semitism that’s all the rage, these days.

Now, I’m a bit confused with all this stuff about racism anyway. I totally get one absolutely shouldn’t say, for example, that Jews control the banks and the media; clearly anti-Semitic, no question. But Boris came out with all that guff about “Pickaninnies” and “watermelon smiles.” Surely that’s well racist, Dave? No? And the stuff about refugees being a “swarm”? The constant Muslim-baiting of Sadiq Khan? Then there’s the less recent stuff like leaflets mentioning having “… a nigger for a neighbour.” Seems like you might have a race problem in your party, Dave. Why, it’s almost like it’s institutionalised in the Conservative Party. Why don’t you set up one of those enquiry thingies that Corbyn’s got going on, currently?

Anyway, I appreciate you’re a busy guy so, you know, no rush to reply. I would’ve asked Jezza for some help but he’s even busier than you, currently. What with retreating at full speed in the  face of all this relentless bullshit and throwing his most loyal supporters under the bus you’re driving, so whenever you can get to me, Dave.

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Dave Takes a Meeting

davec

The nightingales sang in Berkeley Square. Clock-faces wilted and then melted, folding themselves gracefully over the branches of chestnut trees. From the Prime Minister’s Private Office the sound of Big Ben striking thirteen could be heard. Reginald, the PM’s consigliere, faced the Great Man and braced himself.

“So, Reg. How are we looking now?”

“Well, Dave, as you know, the photo was a major ball-ache”

“Tell me about it! And now we’ve bloody well u-turned!”

“With respect, Dave, we haven’t. All you’ve done is say we’ll take a few thousand more. There is absolutely no substantive change on the policy.”

“But it looks like it, damn it. Those 1922 Committee fucks are gonna tear me a new one!”

“Relax. It’s cool. We’re on top of it. A nine-day wonder. Besides, until that bastard Corbyn gets in Labour are with us. Plus, on the bright side, the BBC are still calling them migrants, not refugees”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Peter Allen on 5 Live was awesome, today. He was very grudging about these people being refugees and fleeing war and then he said – you’re gonna love this – he just kinda brushed it all aside and said that the whole issue had now become ‘entrenched behaviour’ among the darkies”

“He actually said that? Really?”

“Yup. Well not the ‘darkies’ bit, obvs, but the rest of. Absolutely”

“Top man. Have we got him down for a gong?”

“Dunno. I’d need to check with Bernard”

OK, what else do we have?”

“Twitter’s a bit bleak. Lots of proles moaning. Lots of the great unwashed calling you a ‘silver spoon-faced bastard.’ ‘cunt’ ‘wanker.’ The usual, really”

“Fucking Twitter. Tell me again why I can’t just close the fucking thing down, Rupert doesn’t own it, does he?”

“No, but it’s complex with social media”

“Whatever. We’ll come back to it later. What else?”

“Well, this is a bit awkward, really…”

“Spit it out, Reg”

“Well, you remember that intern you were looking for? We’ve got a candidate but it’s a bit awkward”

“Go on…”

“Well, he’s Muslim, for starters…”

“For fuck’s sake!”

“And he’s Syrian. An actual migrant”

“How the fuck did he get in?”

“Home Office twats, again. Another clusterfuck. To be fair Theresa’s got a lot on, currently, as you know; what with the peados and everything”

“This just gets better. Tell me the worst”

“A proper cheeky little shit, he is. He came on with all this ‘shirker striver’ bollocks that Ian started and a lot of nonsense about our ‘core values’ and ‘aspiration’ and  ‘hard-working families’ and so on. Basically, his pitch was that if he’d managed to cross entire war-torn continents, using none of the official channels, with those IS nutters chasing his arse, dragging his missus and brats with him, then he’d proved in spades a couple of things. One, that he was clearly resourceful, good at thinking outside the box and was a man who could work well under pressure and relished a challenge. Two, that if he could do all that it didn’t even matter if we rejected his claim for asylum. He was as ‘aspirational’ as fuck and wanted to ‘get on’ like no cunt we’ve ever seen”

“I see. A fucking chancer then?”

“And then some but, again, it could work well. We spin it as the PM giving a sand-wog a job near the seat of power. Good old British fair play and all that. All those diversity points etc. It’s win/win, Dave”

“Christ on a bike, fucking immigrants, immigrants, immigrants! Everything’s about fucking immigrants!”

“Yes, but it does shift the spotlight from our kiddy-fiddlers for a bit so, you know, not all bad, is it?”

“Fine, OK, whatever, but I want people back where they were; hating the brown-faced fucking freaks. In fact, there’s an idea; can’t we get Katie to do another ‘cockroaches and gunships’ thing? To help get things back on track?”

“No, ‘fraid not. She’s got her head well down and, in the current climate, it would backfire badly. Defo. Trust me. Besides, she’s more into Nigel than you, these days, mate”

“Fucking Farage. Treacherous wanker”

“But he and his mates are shooting their own feet off left, right and centre on this one so, again, like I keep saying, not all bad”

“If you say so. We done now?”

“We are”

Waves lapped against the sand. The white cliffs of Dover, craggy sentinels of empire, glared at Calais. From a nearby guest house the muffled thwack of willow on a young boy’s buttocks could be heard.

Je Suis Muslim!

hasan's picPhoto by Hasan Hamid.

David Cameron has turned up the heat in the West’s near quarter-century ideological offensive against Muslims.

The Independent reports today that there are to be tougher measures aimed at those Muslims who “…fail to oppose Islamist extremism.” The paper quotes the Prime Minister thus: “People who say, ‘Well, of course I don’t support terrorism. But a caliphate is that such a bad idea?’ Or people who say, ‘Do you know what? Christians and Muslims, we can’t really live together. And suicide bombing [is] alright in Israel, even if it’s not alright in America. “These are unacceptable views. We’ve got to call them out and confront them,” said Mr Cameron. “We’ve got to defeat the narrative of extremism, even when it’s not connected to the violence.”

Of course, the reader will search in vain for similar measures aimed at other faith groups or religions. Demands for white Christian communities to condemn Anders Breivik’s mass-murdering rampage on Utøya were not so much thin on the ground as entirely absent. Indeed, we could reasonably say that Breivik was a direct result of the West’s campaign of politicised Islamophobia. It would be perfectly fair to say, in fact, that Breivik had become’ radicalised.’

It is now a cliché that any acts of violence by individual Muslims or groups of Muslims are automatically designated acts of ‘terrorism.’ Equally, any lynchings, shootings – or fire-bombing of churches favoured by black people by white extremists – are never terrorism; the perpetrators are invariably ‘loners’ who are ‘disturbed’ or suffering from other unnamed mental illnesses. Ditto the white teenagers who shoot up US schools and slaughter children on a depressingly regular basis.

Similarly, the revelation of a paedophile ring comprising predominantly, or exclusively, Muslim men prompts fevered and hysterical commendations of Muslim ‘culture’ (as if Islam is some sort of homogenised group-mind directing the activities of its 1.6 billion adherents) and media commentators endlessly ponder what it is about ‘their’ culture and traditions that predisposes Muslims to child abuse.

The hypocrisy is sickening. There is now, beyond any reasonable doubt, evidence that an establishment paedophile ring has functioned for decades at the heart of British society, involving high-ranking politicians, entertainers and other VIPS. These would be white non-Muslim men, of course. Jimmy Saville alone probably raped and abused more children than every child-abusing follower of Islam in  the UK combined. And we know that Saville was facilitated by scores of other worthies; establishment pals who knew of his activities. As is well known he was a friend and confidant of and to no less a pillar of the white British establishment than Prince Charles…

We can only await the academics, journalists and politicians launching enquires and studies into what it is about white Western Christian culture that produces a desire to rape kids and, if the disturbing anecdotal evidence is to be believed, kill them.

But Christianity, Western neoliberalism, US imperialism can never be the cause of innocent lives lost. Muslims, on the other hand, are guilty until proven innocent.

Cynical political expediency on behalf of the US and its proxies, especially post-911, is the heart of the tsunami of Islamophobia that continues to sweep Europe and the United States. But at home in the UK it’s easily expedited by the legacy of empire and all that that entailed; invasion, genocide, land and resource-theft on an industrial scale and the racist division between them – brown-skinned savages of a psychopathic bloodthirsty bent – and us – enlightened civilised superior white folks.  Who cares about the historical evidence? Islam’s centuries-old civilisation that gifted the world so much in the fields of science, the arts and philosophy? Instead, Richard Dawkins sneering at the alleged paucity of Muslims with degrees.

It’s the sort of mindset that even allows patrician privileged white men to draw a distinction between the methods that they deploy to massacre people and those utilised by ‘them.’ As evidenced by Cameron who, in the same article, referenced “suicide bombs in Israel.” Suicide bombs, clearly, are the sort of despicable tactic beloved of evil Islamic basket-cases while, as anyone knows, a decent white chap will at least have the courtesy of launching napalm, missiles and white phosphorous onto children from the comparative safety of 40,000 feet.

It’s tempting to finish an article like this with the expected condemnation of IS/ISIS/ISIL, call it what you will (although this writer prefers the term Daesh), and to draw a distinction between them and the overwhelming majority of the world’s Muslims. But that isn’t going to happen. No one should feel compelled to condemn such an outfit; it should be taken as a given.

Instead, let’s offer the PM the best advice for the most effective way of heading off the ‘radicalisation’ of Britain’s Muslims; stop the bombing and invasion of Muslim lands. Stop arming Israel and, instead, condemn the continuing Zionist apartheid and slaughter of the Palestinians.

In the current climate we should all stand up and declare: Je Suis Muslim!